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| Andrea Torrey Balsara |
Ever get your book released and realize only after the fact that there’s something you could have done better?
Such was the case with Andrea Torrey Balsara, author of “The Great & The Small,” originally published in 2017. Shortly after its release she saw a serious issue—but not a permanent one. Recently, she published a second edition through Common Deer Press and in this interview, she talks about said issue and how she was able to resolve it and the new cover. We also learn about the element of trauma and how it’s reflected in her own life.
This is a new version of your original story. What are some of the changes you made?
Thank you for having me on your blog! “The Great & the Small” is an illustrated urban fantasy novel about Fin, a young tunnel rat, and Ananda, a teenager. Fin’s uncle, the Stalinesque, charismatic “Beloved Chairman” of the tunnels, has declared war on humans, with Fin as his lead henchman. Leading a squad of plague-infested rats to a cancer researcher’s house, Fin gets caught in a rat trap and is rescued by the researcher’s daughter, Ananda, who secretly nurses him back to health.
As Fin heals, he learns to trust and love Ananda. Fin now faces a stark choice: continue the war until every last human is dead, including the one he loves, or betray his adored uncle and choose a new path.
After the first edition came out in 2017, I realized (with a sinking heart!) that the two main characters, Fin and Ananda, weren’t evenly balanced. Fin’s story ran true; it had depth and resonance. Ananda’s character felt a little forced. In this second edition, Ananda’s story is deepened as she struggles with buried trauma.
What made you want to release this expanded version?
I thought I’d missed my chance to fully develop Ananda’s character, but in 2022, I was offered the opportunity to revise the book for a second edition. It was a rare and exciting chance to revisit a beloved story. Only an Indie publisher like Common Deer Press would offer this kind of opportunity. Indie publishers can be great champions of authors, focusing on bringing great stories into the world.
With this expanded second edition, I wanted to finally do justice to Ananda’s story and add to it the depth it deserved. I revised not only her story but also the accompanying illustrations.
I really liked the new cover. What went into developing it?
Thank you! I love the cover too. Usually illustrating the finished cover comes after much hand-wringing and about a million revisions. This one came together so quickly that it felt somewhat miraculous. For this digitally rendered cover, I layered photos and used those as my base for the finished illustration. I carefully chose a color palette to ensure it was eye-catching, even as a thumbnail image on a smartphone.
Although I am self-taught both in traditional and digital art, which can make the process challenging, I am always learning and adapting with each project.
What inspired this story and how did it change from first draft to final version?
As a writer and artist, I write and illustrate to help me understand things. While I always have the reader at the back of my mind, especially when it comes to the final polish and revisions, I write first for myself. The initial book was in response to going through a concentration camp museum in Dachau, Germany when I was 10, and seeing what human beings are capable of when we divide each other into groups of “Us and Them.” I focused on questions of good and evil that have fascinated (and terrified) me since that time. Questions about free will, for example, and how if someone were born into the orbit of a moral black hole like a Stalin, or a Hitler, were they lost? Was there still hope for them to find their way as a human being? If so, how did they break out of that trajectory?
The second edition explored the effects that buried trauma and childhood abuse has on a person, and its reverberations through their life. The same questions I asked in the first edition were asked but in a different context: was there hope? If you hurt so badly that you couldn’t bear living for another moment, was there a way forward? It is an exploration of how someone who is a stranger to their true self finds their way back home.
In revising the book, I aimed to balance Fin and Ananda’s narratives without compromising the original story. The result is a stronger, more resonant tale where their journeys mirror each other. It is a story about hope, and about walking through the darkness. Basically, the Hero’s Journey is told through the eyes of a rat and a girl.
I read that many of the main character’s experiences reflect your own. Was it difficult to write about this?
It was. I had grown up with buried trauma from an incident that happened while visiting my grandparents in Missouri when I was 5. A trusted family friend molested me and told me I had caused him to do it. I was terrified my family would find out “what I had done.” I buried the memory deep, with it resurfacing in my 20s, but it came out through violent nightmares, body dysmorphia and disassociation, bulimia, a constant draw towards suicide, and chasing after all the wrong people to love. There are many, many people who have gone through what I have. I wanted to write a book that I would have wanted to read when I was a teenager. It would have helped me realize that I was not alone.
While writing the second edition was a painful process, it was also the first time I had ever been able to view my own troubled past with an objective eye. The compassion I felt for Ananda, I realized with shock as I was writing, was compassion for myself. As any childhood abuse survivor can tell you, we are very hard on ourselves, and feelings of compassion, worthiness and inner peace can feel like impossible dreams that only happen for others. I found a new relationship to myself and my past by retelling it, albeit fictionalized, through Ananda’s eyes.
Writing this second edition also helped me see how much I’d been helped, by both seen and unseen forces. There is a scene in the book where Ananda feels arms encircle her, hugging her tight, although she is the only one in the room. This scene was pulled directly from my own life. So, while the story is difficult to tell, and is a story of walking blindly through the darkness, it is also a story where flashes of brilliant light break through the darkness, lighting the way forward. I believe this story will resonate with anyone trying to deal with difficult times, and I hope it will resonate with anyone who has ever considered giving up, especially for those who contemplate suicide. As someone who has been there, I want to say that behind the pain there is love. There is joy. There is something more than the darkness. While this story doesn’t turn away from the devastation that abuse causes in a person’s life, this is ultimately a story of hope and of rising above. I would love to hear from readers about what they got from the book and would welcome them contacting me.
Thank you again for having me on your blog!
What made you want to release this expanded version?
I thought I’d missed my chance to fully develop Ananda’s character, but in 2022, I was offered the opportunity to revise the book for a second edition. It was a rare and exciting chance to revisit a beloved story. Only an Indie publisher like Common Deer Press would offer this kind of opportunity. Indie publishers can be great champions of authors, focusing on bringing great stories into the world.
With this expanded second edition, I wanted to finally do justice to Ananda’s story and add to it the depth it deserved. I revised not only her story but also the accompanying illustrations.
I really liked the new cover. What went into developing it?
Thank you! I love the cover too. Usually illustrating the finished cover comes after much hand-wringing and about a million revisions. This one came together so quickly that it felt somewhat miraculous. For this digitally rendered cover, I layered photos and used those as my base for the finished illustration. I carefully chose a color palette to ensure it was eye-catching, even as a thumbnail image on a smartphone.
Although I am self-taught both in traditional and digital art, which can make the process challenging, I am always learning and adapting with each project.
What inspired this story and how did it change from first draft to final version?
As a writer and artist, I write and illustrate to help me understand things. While I always have the reader at the back of my mind, especially when it comes to the final polish and revisions, I write first for myself. The initial book was in response to going through a concentration camp museum in Dachau, Germany when I was 10, and seeing what human beings are capable of when we divide each other into groups of “Us and Them.” I focused on questions of good and evil that have fascinated (and terrified) me since that time. Questions about free will, for example, and how if someone were born into the orbit of a moral black hole like a Stalin, or a Hitler, were they lost? Was there still hope for them to find their way as a human being? If so, how did they break out of that trajectory?
The second edition explored the effects that buried trauma and childhood abuse has on a person, and its reverberations through their life. The same questions I asked in the first edition were asked but in a different context: was there hope? If you hurt so badly that you couldn’t bear living for another moment, was there a way forward? It is an exploration of how someone who is a stranger to their true self finds their way back home.
In revising the book, I aimed to balance Fin and Ananda’s narratives without compromising the original story. The result is a stronger, more resonant tale where their journeys mirror each other. It is a story about hope, and about walking through the darkness. Basically, the Hero’s Journey is told through the eyes of a rat and a girl.
I read that many of the main character’s experiences reflect your own. Was it difficult to write about this?
It was. I had grown up with buried trauma from an incident that happened while visiting my grandparents in Missouri when I was 5. A trusted family friend molested me and told me I had caused him to do it. I was terrified my family would find out “what I had done.” I buried the memory deep, with it resurfacing in my 20s, but it came out through violent nightmares, body dysmorphia and disassociation, bulimia, a constant draw towards suicide, and chasing after all the wrong people to love. There are many, many people who have gone through what I have. I wanted to write a book that I would have wanted to read when I was a teenager. It would have helped me realize that I was not alone.
While writing the second edition was a painful process, it was also the first time I had ever been able to view my own troubled past with an objective eye. The compassion I felt for Ananda, I realized with shock as I was writing, was compassion for myself. As any childhood abuse survivor can tell you, we are very hard on ourselves, and feelings of compassion, worthiness and inner peace can feel like impossible dreams that only happen for others. I found a new relationship to myself and my past by retelling it, albeit fictionalized, through Ananda’s eyes.
Writing this second edition also helped me see how much I’d been helped, by both seen and unseen forces. There is a scene in the book where Ananda feels arms encircle her, hugging her tight, although she is the only one in the room. This scene was pulled directly from my own life. So, while the story is difficult to tell, and is a story of walking blindly through the darkness, it is also a story where flashes of brilliant light break through the darkness, lighting the way forward. I believe this story will resonate with anyone trying to deal with difficult times, and I hope it will resonate with anyone who has ever considered giving up, especially for those who contemplate suicide. As someone who has been there, I want to say that behind the pain there is love. There is joy. There is something more than the darkness. While this story doesn’t turn away from the devastation that abuse causes in a person’s life, this is ultimately a story of hope and of rising above. I would love to hear from readers about what they got from the book and would welcome them contacting me.
Thank you again for having me on your blog!
