Part crash course in feminism, part social guide, part memoir and part manifesto, “A Feminist Guide to Marriage” (Goldsmiths, Nov. 10, 2026) by Suzanne Leonard is for couples who want to know marriage better and do marriage better. Answering frequent questions about how to approach sex, money, children, non/monogamy, and more, this book will help incorporate feminist ideals into romantic life.
Written by a scholar of popular culture who has been teaching for 25 years and married to a man for 15 years, the book shares stories from real people about everything from dating to divorce, with chapters on sex, money, children, and monogamy, among others.
Visit www.suzanneleonard.com for more.
How did this book begin?
Ever since I was 8, when I watched Princess Diana’s wedding on television, I’ve wanted to get married. Even after I grew up, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my life wouldn’t be complete until that happened. As I became an expert in gender studies, I thought a lot about whether that aspiration conflicted with my feminism or my politics. I wanted to write a book to show myself and others that this wasn’t necessarily the case.
I call the book part crash course in feminism, part social guide, part memoir and part manifesto. It’s meant to help readers learn about feminism, without it seeming like this scary, off-putting ideology. I wanted to clear up the misperception that feminism destroyed marriage and that feminists hate marriage.
What is the feminist viewpoint on marriage as it is now?
For centuries, married women didn’t have rights over their money, their property or even their bodies. As a result, a lot of feminists thought marriage was an oppressive institution; some even wanted it abolished. But a lot has changed in the last few decades, and feminism has changed, too. For one thing, gay marriage has been legalized. Married people can still have intellectual, financial, and sexual freedom, while at the same time building an intimate life with a partner.
Although people don’t generally think of it this way, marriage is the most political thing most of us will ever do in our lives. It determines how we move through the world—meaning how we see ourselves and how others see us. It can dictate our names (although usually it’s the woman who changes hers), where we get our health insurance and how much money we have. No picture of marriage is complete without this wider context.
What is the feminist approach to raising kids?
The biggest misconception that surrounds this topic is that feminists believe childcare and domestic labor must be shared equally. Frankly, that’s impossible. What we do believe is something that I call the $200 dyad, which comes from the advice that my husband and I got from a therapist when I was pregnant with our daughter. (The session cost $200 and we never saw the therapist again because he was so helpful.)
The therapist advocated that each parent must have an individual relationship with their child, one free from interference from the other parent. They must be trusted to keep the child alive, essentially, no matter how many lists the other parent wants to write. My husband and I both have individual dyads with our daughter, and neither of these is more meaningful than the other. Both dyads are key to keeping her – and us – healthy and happy.
What would you say are some of the more important lessons to be found in the book?
Here’s a list of some of the things I haven’t mentioned yet, but I think are key:
- Human relationships are the best things in life.
- We can’t make a better world without thinking about how we conduct those relationships.
- While not everyone should—or wants to—get married, it’s an institution that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
- Feminist insights can change the way we live. They have certainly changed my life, which I illustrate throughout the book.
- Learning more about what feminism has to say about marriage not only enriches our lives, but also those of our friends, families, and communities.
How is non/monogamy addressed in this book?
I dedicate a chapter to this topic, which is titled, “Feminist’s Knew About Consensual Non-Monogamy Long Before You Did.” The reason I say this is because there was a group of women in the 19th century who advocated for what they called “free love,” meaning that men should not feel ownership over their wives’ bodies. Some feminists even advocated for a version of what we would today call consensual non-monogamy, which is essentially the presumption that partners agree to have sexual and/or emotional attachments outside their primary relationship.
I’m often asked if a feminist approach to marriage includes non-monogamy. The short answer to this question is “not necessarily, but maybe.” There is also good evidence that non-monogamous couples have broader social networks, less jealousy, and more transparency in their relationships. That said, non-monogamy is definitely not for everyone.
I dedicate a chapter to this topic, which is titled, “Feminist’s Knew About Consensual Non-Monogamy Long Before You Did.” The reason I say this is because there was a group of women in the 19th century who advocated for what they called “free love,” meaning that men should not feel ownership over their wives’ bodies. Some feminists even advocated for a version of what we would today call consensual non-monogamy, which is essentially the presumption that partners agree to have sexual and/or emotional attachments outside their primary relationship.
I’m often asked if a feminist approach to marriage includes non-monogamy. The short answer to this question is “not necessarily, but maybe.” There is also good evidence that non-monogamous couples have broader social networks, less jealousy, and more transparency in their relationships. That said, non-monogamy is definitely not for everyone.
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