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| Janine Kovac |
Author Janine Kovac began her life on stage dancing in Ballet El Paso’s production of “The Nutcracker.” After leaving the stage, Kovac adjusted to her new roles as a mother and audience member, watching her husband, children and students as they performed. Transitioning to writing, she penned her autobiography, “The Nutcracker Chronicles,” which pairs her story with that of the classic tale.
In this interview, Janine talks about how she made this pivot, her motivation for writing her memoir and what she hopes people take from the story.
Why did you want to write your memoir and what do you hope people take from reading your book?
I have been trying to make sense of the “Nutcracker” ballet since I first saw the production as a little girl. (The story that was adapted for the stage from E. T. A. Hoffmann’s “The Nutcracker and the Mouse King” leaves lots of room for questions).
At the same, I have been trying to make sense of the many roles dancers have. There are the roles onstage in the “Nutcracker”: baby mice, stalwart soldiers, delicate snowflakes and sugar plum fairies. But there are also the roles offstage. We start out as young, ambitious students. We become dedicated professionals. After we retire from the stage we are spouses, parents, teachers. Even though we might never wear another pair of pointe shoes, we are still dancers. Even when we can’t dance anymore. We are still dancers.
Writing this memoir—in which each chapter follows the sequence of events in the “Nutcracker” ballet with the stories that happen both onstage and off—was like solving a puzzle. In my book, I tell the story of Clara and the Nutcracker in a new way while also telling the story of what it means to be a professional ballet dancer.
My hope is that dancers and artists who integrate their passions with the grind of daily life will find this book and see themselves in Clara’s journey.
What connection do you see between your work as a dancer and as a writer?
Ballet taught me to show up every day whether I felt like it or not. It taught me that even though I might feel competitive with my fellow dancers, the only control I had was over my own work. And often that wasn’t really “control.” It also taught me the uselessness of perfectionism. If you don’t try to find joy in the moment, it will pass you by.
These lessons help me every day as a writer. I can only write my ideas. I can’t try to be someone else. I can keep chasing the next big project, but I’ll miss it if I don’t stop to appreciate the work that is happening right now in the present.
Ballet also taught me the value of mentors, friends and chosen family. We learn from those around us. If you surround yourself with dancers and artists and writers who are better than you are and kinder than you are, you will improve. You will become kinder.
What kept you in the world of dance despite the challenges you faced?
I stayed in the world of dance because of the challenges. The human body should not be able to dance en pointe—and yet we do! We turn and jump and balance on the tips of our toes—our entire body weight is supported on less than two square inches. And we look graceful at the same time! Every day it is a challenge to be met and it’s a thrill that never gets old.
The most difficult challenges, however, weren’t physical. They were financial. It was hard to string together enough work to pay the bills, and I often moved to the city or country where the jobs were. Miraculously, it always worked out—a company that offered free housing for its dancers or a tour that paid double. But it was hard to have the faith that good things would just drop out of the sky. When they did, it was always a better opportunity than what I had imagined for myself. In many ways, I stayed in the dance world because I was curious to see what would happen next.
Is there a central message that readers can take from the book?
The love of dance and the desire to dance lives inside you. No one can dim that light. No one can take it away.
Any advice for creatives who are looking to pivot to a new medium?
I think there is overlap in most of the arts. Writing is physical—maybe not to the extent that dancing is, but you still have to eat well and sleep well. The ergonomics of writing—posture, typing, back support affect your writing.
But here are some questions creatives can ask themselves:
- What worked for you in your old medium? How might that help you in your new medium?
- What were some of the blind spots?
- What were some of the characteristics of the mentors in your old medium that inspired you? Look for these characteristics in the people of the new community. Those will be your mentors.
