Five by Five: Charting your own path to happiness

By Max Bowen 

Deb Miller’s book, “Forget the Fairy Tale and Find Your Happiness” seeks to challenge the age-old notion that marriage is the surest path to the good life, and hopes that readers will strike out on their own journey.

In this interview, Deb talks about her own life experiences that helped make the book, the theme of fulfillment, and finding real happiness.

How did the theme of fulfillment coming from a marriage come to be part of your book?
That message was everywhere when I was growing up—from my mom, from society and from every pop culture role model I saw. “Leave it to Beaver.” “The Brady Bunch.” Rodgers & Hammerstein’s epic “Cinderella.” I thought all men wanted to be providers like Charles Ingalls or Ward Cleaver. Marriage, I was taught, was the ultimate destination. My memoir exposes how misleading that narrative is—and what it takes to rewrite it.

What parts of your life were included in this book?
Experiences that mattered to the theme made it in. From early childhood memories and first love to career highs, heartbreaks and finding peace in 2020. If it shaped my understanding of love, purpose, or happiness, it’s in the book—sometimes raw, sometimes funny, always real.

What is the ‘traditional princess narrative’ and how does your book address it?
It’s the belief that happiness comes when Prince Charming shows up. That if you're pretty and patient, a man will “rescue” you with marriage, and your life will be complete – you’ll reach the happily ever after. My book challenges that myth head-on. I spent years trying to live that fairy tale. Then, I realized the heroine I was waiting for was me.

How did you find your own real-life happiness?
Did you know that 50% of your happiness is genetically determined, only 10% is affected by life circumstances and situation and the remaining 40% of happiness is within your self-control?* Despite the title of my book, happiness, isn’t found—it’s chosen.

I stopped chasing what society told me I should want and started doing what brings me joy. At first, it was guiding my kids. I’m happy to report that they are all set now, so I can sip tea and work on my book in the morning instead of taking a long commute and working 12-hour days. I love being outdoors with my dog, hiking and landscaping, and hanging out with people I enjoy—especially my grandkids. We have the most interesting conversations.

What do you hope readers take from this book?
The title says it all: “Forget the Fairy Tale and Find Your Happiness.” I want readers to feel empowered to chart their own path—not the one prescribed by others. When you stop chasing someone else’s version of happiness and start following your own, that’s when the real happy ending begins.

I hope readers realize they don’t need a glass slipper, a castle, or anyone’s approval to build a beautiful life. Ditch the script. Write your own ending. The journey isn’t about finding a prince—it’s about finding ourselves.

*According to research by Harvard graduate and Stanford university PhD, Sonja Lyubomirsky.