Over 40 years, Marsh Rose and Jack shared a relationship living in separate homes but with a bond that ran deep. When Jack passed from a stroke, Marsh was encouraged to turn a column she was working into a memoir, “A Version of the Truth,” set to be released in October.
Set in the famed Northern California wine country, the book explores themes of feminism, sexuality, identity, love and loss, inviting readers to think about the search for truth and the ways in which we must confront its mystery to find a version we can live with.
In this interview, Marsh talks about how she and Jack met and the nature of their relationship. She talks about the grieving process after Jack passed and how she turned that story into this new memoir.
Let’s begin with how you and Jack met and how the relationship began.
We bonded over DIY projects. Jack was a neighbor when I lived in a decrepit rental in northern California. The landlord was upset about rent control (he deemed it “socialism”), he wouldn’t make repairs and the place was falling apart. Jack was a construction worker and helped keep the place from collapsing around me. We developed a routine of two nights a week together and daily phone calls. Neither of us wanted to get married or live together.
Can you talk more about the unique nature of your relationship?
We had little in common, superficially: no shared upbringing, lifestyle, interests or friends. But we both craved intimacy while also protecting our privacy and independence. This foundation helped me to allow our differences to inform my own life and perspectives over the years.
What was your grieving process, after so many years together?
I relied on two special friends, my journal which always helps anchor me to sanity, and the need to stay grounded so that I could keep working, remain healthy and possibly write about it.
What inspired you to share yours and Jack’s story?
I was working with my mentor, Marion Roach Smith, to develop an essay I hoped to submit to the New York Times’ “Modern Love” column, about helping a partner with health problems in a nontraditional relationship. When I was a few weeks away from finishing the essay, Jack had a stroke and…the ending happened, to my ultimate surprise. Marion and I decided to turn the essay into a full-length memoir. I see it less as a story about the relationship, which is just the vehicle, and more as the discovery that we don’t always get the answers we need.
Any messages that you hope the readers take from it?
These days, especially as AI becomes more and more prevalent in our lives, we’re led to believe we can have all the answers to all our mysteries. We can’t, but we can find a way to live with unanswerable questions. I hope the readers get that message. To abuse the wise words of Mick Jagger, we can’t always get what we want but maybe, in this story, some readers may get something they need.
Let’s begin with how you and Jack met and how the relationship began.
We bonded over DIY projects. Jack was a neighbor when I lived in a decrepit rental in northern California. The landlord was upset about rent control (he deemed it “socialism”), he wouldn’t make repairs and the place was falling apart. Jack was a construction worker and helped keep the place from collapsing around me. We developed a routine of two nights a week together and daily phone calls. Neither of us wanted to get married or live together.
Can you talk more about the unique nature of your relationship?
We had little in common, superficially: no shared upbringing, lifestyle, interests or friends. But we both craved intimacy while also protecting our privacy and independence. This foundation helped me to allow our differences to inform my own life and perspectives over the years.
What was your grieving process, after so many years together?
I relied on two special friends, my journal which always helps anchor me to sanity, and the need to stay grounded so that I could keep working, remain healthy and possibly write about it.
What inspired you to share yours and Jack’s story?
I was working with my mentor, Marion Roach Smith, to develop an essay I hoped to submit to the New York Times’ “Modern Love” column, about helping a partner with health problems in a nontraditional relationship. When I was a few weeks away from finishing the essay, Jack had a stroke and…the ending happened, to my ultimate surprise. Marion and I decided to turn the essay into a full-length memoir. I see it less as a story about the relationship, which is just the vehicle, and more as the discovery that we don’t always get the answers we need.
Any messages that you hope the readers take from it?
These days, especially as AI becomes more and more prevalent in our lives, we’re led to believe we can have all the answers to all our mysteries. We can’t, but we can find a way to live with unanswerable questions. I hope the readers get that message. To abuse the wise words of Mick Jagger, we can’t always get what we want but maybe, in this story, some readers may get something they need.
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