In “She Journeys,” (Sept. 9) author Sarah May embarks on a profound journey to reconcile the wounds of her young marriage: infidelity, abuse, and assault. Personal transformation meets adventure, spirituality, and love in this inspirational testament to rebuilding after ruin. Eventually selling everything to live in a van, Sarah is now one half of the Authors on Wheels duo.
In this Five by Five interview, Sarah talks about the choice to publish this decision, the relationship she left behind, and the journey that followed.
What led you to share your story in this way?
I’ve kept a daily journal since I was a teenager, so writing has long been my way of processing, reflecting and making meaning. The desire to write a whole book was approached as an act of self-love to heal more deeply. But writing required me to ask the hardest questions I’ve ever asked myself, to get vulnerable, messy and brave as I came face to face with my own shadows. The process was radically transformative, rage inducing and ultimately, revolutionary.
How were you able to get out of this relationship?
Leaving was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I was only 23, but I thought my life was over. I stayed too long in a marriage that was poison. The longer I stayed, the more I harmed myself. I have so much compassion for that girl who thought that was love. I tolerated betrayal, lies and abuse all culminating in a night that could have ended with one or both of us dead. After that, even though I was devastated, I realized leaving was my only option. I saved my own life when I left that one behind.
What’s your advice for others in your situation?
What I would tell my younger self: I’m so sorry for your pain and heartbreak. To love so much is a sign of your big heart. But darling, love shouldn’t hurt like this, shouldn’t render you hollow from the inside out. Leaving is not betrayal, it’s the first step of honoring yourself. This pain won’t last forever, a life can be rebuilt, often more wonderful than you can imagine. To see the situation with clear eyes you have to stop lying to yourself. If you had a daughter and she was in your position, what would you want for her?
What was your healing journey, and how are you today?
My journey has been long, winding, challenging, and glorious. I buried the trauma and pain for years only to realize it was critical to revisit. There was spirituality, therapy, breath-work, ancestral unpacking, a plant medicine ceremony, a divorce ritual, and finally writing the book. I fell in love again with a man of incredible integrity. Together, we bought a van, sold our belongings, and hit the road. Life has turned out so much more achingly beautiful than that girl who had her heart shattered could have imagined. Every step, every act of reclamation, it was all so, so worth it.
Looking back, do you have a different perspective on what you went through?
Of course, healing does that. It gave me so much more compassion and understanding of why things fell apart the way they did, of my own faults, of my ex’s wounds that drove his behavior. In so many ways we were just children playing adults, thinking we could “fix” one another, be “enough” for one another when we weren’t even enough for ourselves. While what unfolded was traumatic and painful and devastating, ultimately I’ve chosen to make the experience one of my greatest teachers. It made the life that I am living now, a life I absolutely love, all possible.
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